Dating in Germany – Dating a German Guy

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Dating culture can be different depending on the countries. If you are single and looking for a date in Germany, what should you expect? In this post, you will find information about what it is like dating a German guy.

Moving to Germany or new in Germany? Check out our Support Page for all the resources you need!

Where to find the German men?

Traditionally, German people prefer to find their partners through their friend circle. They meet their girlfriends during their study, at work, or from their common friends. Most German people are serious people. If you are dating a German guy, he is likely looking for a serious relationship. Of course, this may not be always the case. But comparing with other cultures, German guys are relatively serious people.

Nowadays, online dating becomes more and more popular. Websites like Lovescout24 provide a platform for people to find their right partners. This changes also the dating games a bit. People feel less bounded to the people they meet online. Even though you can still find German guys online who are seeking for a serious relationship, you may also encounter guys who are purely looking for sex. Looking for a German guy from your friend circle (the traditional way) is still the best way where you have a higher chance to find a serious relationship, in my opinion. However, I do know people found their right matches online and got married eventually. Therefore, I guess it depends on your luck in the end.

Germans are punctual

Germans are famous for their punctuality. In Hong Kong, if we meet with a friend, we can expect a 10 to 15 minutes delay, which is pretty normal. The more the number of people, the more will be the delay. For example, if we have a meeting with 10 friends, we can expect to wait for 30 minutes until everyone is there. So, sometimes it is not like I want to be late, but I know that I have to wait for a long time if I am punctual. Therefore, I also come a bit later to avoid too much waiting time.

However, don’t expect this in Germany. If you have a meeting at 1 pm, the German people here really mean 1 pm. After living here for some years, I get used to being punctual. And when I visited Hong Kong and met my friends again, I was shocked that I was the only one who arrived on time. That’s the so-called reverse culture shock.

With that said, be punctual on your date. There is no such thing that girls should arrive a bit later to “let the guy wait”.

Read also: Sitzpinkler – Do German Men Sit Down to Pee?

Germans are not good at small talk

Germans are like the opposite of the Americans. Small talk is part of the American culture. Strangers talk to each other in the shops, on the plane, in the elevator, etc. Germans are not used to this. They can be seen as a bit cold to people. If I have to describe this, then Americans are like peaches, while Germans are melon.

Peaches: soft outside and hard inside. The Americans can do a lot of small talk with you and seem to be extremely friendly. But most of the time, this kind of small talk is only limited to very superficial topics. It is hard to really be closed with the Americans and to have a more meaningful conversation.

Melon: hard outside and soft inside. The Germans can seem to be very cold and reserved. It is hard to get to know them at the beginning because they may not look super excited and may not initiate talking with you if they do not know you. However, once you get to know them, they will treat you as real friends. They will open themselves up and have a meaningful conversation with you rather than staying at a superficial level.

So, if you see a German guy who is interesting to you, be proactive and try to initiate a conversation with him. Waiting for him to talk to you first may not be the best idea as he may not be that open to strangers.

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Germans are direct

This was hard for me to adapt at the beginning. Germans are direct. Too direct. Comparing to Americans who like to sugar-coat their words, Germans say what they really think. If they do not like something, they will let you know it.

When I lived with my German housemate, he told me how he did not like it when I did not open the window to “let the air out”. He told me he did not like the food I was eating when I tried to share with him. I am a typical Chinese and a “yes” person. It was hard for me to say “no”. He found it strange that I said “I don’t know” or “maybe” which basically meant “no” for me. He trained me to say “no” instead.

Germans are direct and they expect you to be the same. They will not understand it if you say “A” but you actually mean “B”. So, if you date a German guy, expect some honest feedback from him. But no hard feeling. He will tell you his true thinking and expect to get along with you in an open way.

Read also: How to maintain a long-distance relationship?

Germans do not judge the others

In Hong Kong, girls are extremely concerned about their body shape. Why? Because people judge you based on everything. If you see a girl who is a little fat and wears a short skirt, you will hear people talking about her from behind. “Oh, she should not wear a short skirt to expose her fat legs!” “Wow, look at that girl! Look like some elephant legs!”

It is not uncommon for girls to cover up themselves because they do not want to “expose their weakness”. In a hot summer day, my friend still wore a long sleeve jacket. I asked her why. It was already so warm outside. She told me because her arms were fat. (And her arms were not fat at all!)

When you look around in Germany, you can see girls wear what they want to wear regardless of their body size. They are even naked in the sauna. People respect each other and do not judge. If you date a German guy, he will not find it attractive if you try to hide your “weakness”. If he loves you, he will love you as a whole. Be confident of yourself and that makes you more attractive.

German guys care about how they look

German guys care about their appearance: they dress properly when they go out; they like wearing shirts; they make sure their hair looks good; they do not go out with shorts and slippers, even just for a trip to the supermarkets outside.

With that said, if you date a Germany guy, he expects you to take care of your appearance as well. You do not have to dress super fancy all the time. But at a minimum, you need to look decent when you go out.

Gender equality

In general, people do not associate gender with special roles in Germany. Germany has pretty high gender equality. German people are very independent. They do not think that women are weak comparing to men. When it comes to taking care of the household, it is not just the job of a woman. Since both women and men go to work these days, both genders are responsible to take care of the household. Though not very common, there are also examples that men stay at home as housemen, especially when their wives earn good money.

Another example is that men and women also share the responsibility of raising a kid. This is not just a woman’s job. The man will also help in terms of changing diapers, feeding and taking care of the kid. I still remember when I went to Hong Kong with my husband and my baby, I was too busy catching up with my friends. While I enjoyed the time with my friends, my husband was taking care of our kid the whole time. My friends all told me, “Oh, what a nice man you have! He did all the work for you! And he knows how to change diapers!” In Germany, it is normal or rather expected that the men also know and do all these tasks. People will not think that this man is “extraordinary”. On the other hand, if a man in Germany does not help and the woman must do all the work by herself, the people will think that this is not a good man.

Germans are independent

As mentioned, German people are very independent. Everyone is seen as an individual who can take care of himself. It is common that young people move out of their family when they turn into adults (about 18 years old). Especially when people go to university, most of them will move out from home. So, they have to take care of themselves and live independently.

That’s why it is not surprising to see that men know about how to take care of the household. Men can cook, do laundry, repair things by themselves. In Hong Kong, many young people (both men and women) are not able to cook. They just get some food from the restaurants as it is very convenient. However, in Germany, you cannot survive by eating out at restaurants all the time as it is not affordable. You have to know how to cook. That’s why it is not uncommon to find men who are good at cooking, which is one of the very attractive points for Hong Kong women.

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German guys do not like to be seen as old

In Asia, women are very sensitive to their age. It is their secret. However, men are not as sensitive. They may even like to be seen as older because it is a symbol of being mature. I heard a story about a German guy who was in a club in China. A girl approached him and told him that he looked like he was in his 30’s, while he was actually only 25. He was upset to hear this as he didn’t want to look old. Actually, the girl said that because she thought it was a compliment. Guys in Asia want to be seen as older and more mature. Another example of cultural difference…

Who pays the bill?

As mentioned before, the genders are pretty equal in Germany. However, it is still common for the men to pay the bill on a date. Of course, it depends a little bit of the age. If the men are already working, they will probably pay the bill. If they are still studying, they cannot pay the bill all the time. In this case, the bill may be shared. Or sometimes the men pay, and sometimes the women pay.

If you date a German guy, wait and see if he will pay for the bill. If yes, just say thank you and show your appreciation. You can also suggest paying for the next bill. A fight to pay the bill is not necessary. See also my post about separating your bill when eating out.

Confirming your relationship?

Here is the story: A German guy was dating a Japanese woman. Everything went well. They were doing everything like a couple: kissing, sleeping together, talking sweet… After a few weeks, the girl finally told the guy that she was very confused because she did not know what kind of relationship they were in. Were they couple, or only friends? The guy was shocked as he thought the whole time that they were in a relationship already. True that they didn’t talk about it explicitly, as he assumed that their action has already implied the relationship. Only after that, the guy learned that in Japan, some guys even wrote love letters to the girls they were dating, and asked if the girls agreed to be their girlfriends. In some cultures, there is a formal confirmation process to confirm a relationship. Obviously, it is not the case in Germany.

So, if you date a German guy and you are not completely sure, you should talk openly about it.

Getting married

German people tend to get married when they are older. Some guys believe that marriage is just a piece of paper and is not necessary. It is not uncommon to see that couples live together for years but are not married. Some people get married a few years after the kids were born, while some others are not married even they have kids.

In Hong Kong, our culture is very traditional. You need to first get married before you have kids. Otherwise, it may be seen as an irresponsible act of the man. Getting married means that the man is taking responsibility. In Germany, it is not necessarily the case. The men may not need to have a marriage certificate to show that they are responsible. Rather the actions are more important. The thinking of some men: they live together with their family; they work and earn money to feed their family; they do all the things that a responsible husband is doing. What is making the difference if they are married or not? To learn more, check out also my post about marriage in Germany.

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The points listed above are only in general how German guys are like. Of course, it depends on the individual. In the end, everyone is different. Have you ever dated any German guys? Leave a comment below and share your experience!

Moving to Germany or new in Germany? Check out our Support Page for all the resources you need!

36 Replies to “Dating in Germany – Dating a German Guy”

  1. What about German women? Any advice for us men out here?☺️

  2. Avatar Anthony Williams says:

    i love the explanations and it is correct.

  3. Thank you for your Blog. As always clear and short.
    I appreciate your writing and always wait for the next.
    I have already voted you.
    Good luck.

  4. Avatar Carl Smith says:

    Why would anyone want to date such cold and unfriendly people? There are lots of foreigners here who are normal friendly people….look there instead.

    1. German men are far from being supportive, they expect women to take care of them, take care of the household while they are cheating on you. Being honest is not exactly a trait of the German men. And indeed they can cry, they do not like small talk , always in time and very direct, but apart from that they expect you to pay at the restaurant while you did grocery, cook dinner at home and clean their socks… Germans are definitely not good husbands

      1. Sounds like you have a bad experience with German man. Sorry to hear about that. As mentioned in my post, the points listed there are only in general how German guys are like. Of course, it depends on the individual. In the end, everyone is different. It is like there are always both good and bad people in the same country.

  5. I can very much confirm the above – that’s germany for you right there! 😉

  6. The part of confirming if you are having a relationship is true, because I have a similar story that you mentioned. I met my german “boyfriend” in my country (Brazil), it was on february, we kissed and he backed to Germany on the day after it, and since that day we have talk every single day, he always says that he miss me, send cute emojis, make plans with me… Last month he came back to Brazil to see me, we spent a lot of time together and doing couple’s things, but he never said if we were in a relationship, I was so confused. Anyway at some point he mentioned me as his girlfriend, so I had to asked “am I your girlfriend?” and he said “no???”I really don’t knew if I was hahaha, so he asked to me to be his girlfriend. The cultural differences are so strange and funny because so far I don’t feel we are actually having a relationship, maybe brazilian are weird people. Thanks for the post.

    1. Thanks a lot for your story! I have heard similar stories from many different people dating German guys. Yes it is funny sometimes dating someone with a different cultural background 🙂

  7. It is a great piece fo advice for men but can you wrote some advice for women.

  8. It is. Very interesting and informative post, thank you for your clear writing.

  9. Avatar Wonderwomanph says:

    looks like this is all true because i’m kind a having a hard time with my german BF like i get it they are not so sweet and i’m not expecting a lot but at least make effort. Sometimes i feel like he doesn’t love me.

  10. I’m in a similar situation regarding the confirmation part. I’m dating a German guy for 3 months, we’ve been doing everything a couple does. We hang out, make out, sleep together, meet each other’s friends, I stay over his place every weekend, he even gives me the keys And let me know his phone’s password… But he never says a thing about what we are. I’m so confused, do you think it’s super clear or I should ask him?

    Btw I’m a South East Asian girl

    1. Most likely he already thinks that it is a relationship. He probably doesn’t even think that you are confused and need a confirmation. It is best to talk openly about it so that you are not confused any more 🙂

  11. I met my German boyfriend online. We haven’t met yet because of the situation now. But we are definitely planning it once everything will be okay. We constantly talked to each other every single day from day to night and we do video chat too. He also talked about marriage and having a family with me. But I can’t help sometimes to think that I am the only one and if he is really being true. I am open with him about the cheating stuff and he told me that I am the only one he wanted to be in his life. Are German men trustworthy and faithful? I am just scared that he is not being true with me because I truly fall in love with him and I really want this to work.

    1. Sophia, thanks for sharing. Please be careful of online dating fraud! I am not saying that it is a fraud in your case. But talking about marriage without physically meeting someone and gets along with him/her first sounds unrealistic. It is not about being a German person or not. But you need to MEET the person in real first to decide if that person is trustworthy or not, no matter which nationality. So, please meet him in person first once the Coronacrisis is over. You will see then if this person is really the right guy for you. I hope the best for you!

  12. Thanks a lot for your post! I’m from SEA and have a German manager , and this is the headache thing that I need your advice 🙂
    I met him in the conference which I have never known that he was my boss of boss of boss on that day (because I didn’t work directly with him). After my boss introduced him, so I were a bit surprised because he looked young (he is 36) and so fit! That day I sat next to him (I just randomly chose seat) and we talked a lot! Both of us are good humor so we laughed a lot and on 2nd days, he invited me to a dinner with him and we kept in touch till now for a year (without any colleagues knew)

    ‌On the night we had dinner, he told me a lot about himself and his hobbies and he confessed that he has gf bla.. Bla.. After that, we kept in touch by sending long messages evey week as a friend, no more no less

    Until recently, suddenly he asked about my relationship status and he told me he was taking a break with his gf. Start from that day, he texted me every day, told me lot of things even a secret things from him and all the shame memories he had. He filmed his apartment, sent me so many pictures about his childhood, voice messages, asked me how I felt every day , how my dream was, and asked me lot of personal things (like if I stay over night with a man because he heard that my country is conservative lolzz)

    So this is the question I want to ask: Is he just bored and talking to me as a “replacement ” while he is taking a break with his gf? Is it normal when German guys share with you many private things in his life ? What does he wants from our friendship? Does he want to make a further step? I’m so confused because now is corona virus lock down, I think maybe he works from home and feel bored just want to find someone to talk. If he does, so why he had to spend time to recorded many self video sent me?

    Thank you in advance and look forward to hearing from you 🙂

    1. Lily, thank you for you message.
      No it is not normal when German guys share many private things with you.
      Is he just bored and talking to you as a replacement while he is taking a break with his gf? Maybe.
      What does he wants from your friendship? I cannot answer for him. Only he knows, or even he himself does not know at the moment. It can be that he is interested in you and enjoy talking with you. It can be that he is bored. He probably just wants to get to know you better at this stage.
      Does he want to make a further step? I don’t know. He probably also doesn’t know yet. It depends on how it develops, e.g. how you guys feel after talking a lot with each other, how do you like each other after knowing more about each other, etc.
      My suggestion: if you like him, you can continue talking to him and see how it develops. Get to know each other better first. Don’t think too much about what it is and how serious is this and what he is thinking, etc. Get to know each other better first and you will then find out if you guys really like each other and want to find a way to develop further or not. Until then, don’t think too much and you will see what happen going forward.
      If after some times, you find out that you both like each other and want to develop further, then you can be open with him and talk about what he thinks and what should be the next steps.
      It can also be that he meets some other women in Germany later on and will reduce the time talking with you. Who knows. Don’t take it too serious at the moment.
      Hope it helps!

  13. I was recently dating a German exchange student at my university for about 4 months. He was tall, blonde, blue eyes and had a very sweet and loving demeanor. We acted like we were boyfriend and girlfriend, but never once talked about our status. I was head over heels for him but I knew that he was probably going to leave the US in a few months and that devastated me.
    I stupidly made the mistake of hooking up with another guy… (BIG regret). He found out and decided to take a lot of time away from me. He said that trust was everything. I really tried to show him that I was sorry by writing him little letters and delivering little gifts to his door.

    About a month later when we saw each other again, he told me that he had lost feeling for me. They were just cut off. This has been incredibly heartbreaking for me because I care about him so much and could really see a future with him. I think he may be talking to someone else now or just be for the most part, over me.

    If anyone has advice on how to win him back, please lmk… he is staying a lot longer too.
    but MORAL OF THE STORY, when dating a German man, talk about what the status of the relationship is once you start getting close. For them, just seeing you often, talking a lot, being comfortable with each other is enough and exclusive/boyfriend and girlfriend is not really talked about. If we did have a title, I know that this would have never have happened. I regret it so deeply and am hurting a lot from this.
    I hope this helps somebody. I really like German guys, I think that they are much sweeter, trustworthy and more considerate than most American guys.

    1. sorry to hear about your story. German guys are direct, when they say it, they mean it. Learn a lesson and move on, this would be my advice.

  14. I’m a gay – crossdresser, I met this German guy online and it happens to be working with me in the same company. We finally met personally and i told him that I’m not a real girl and he said he was okay with it. Then, we hooked up that night, it was a good sex and I thought thag it would be only a one night stand. He said to me we can even meet regularly.

    Then the following day, we decided to have it again and then like once every week. We even cuddled and snuggled up after sex. Every time we meet, I brought traditional food that I cooked and he said it’s so good. So i always bring it for him. I even gave him a very good massage after his long day of work. We even have nice conversation about work, family and personal experiences. We exchange thoughts over a meal. Then we do clean the table and i do the washing of the plates. Then we go back to bed and have some pillow talk before we sleep again, then cuddle. Then we woke up again for another round of sex.

    When it comes to text, he is very timid, a bit cold. He replies sometimes after 24hrs. He doesnt initiate that much.

    So i’ve been seeing this german guy for 8 times in 2 months now. And in the middle of our text, he suddenly said “missing you already” which was very unusual for our conversation because he never said it before. I’m confused because at this stage, i’m considering our meeting as just friends with benefits, but we never declared it. And another “miss you” was sent again through text.

    Right now, he is sick because of the ear infection and also he is worried of getting fired at work because of the corona virus situation. He said he needs to fully recover himself from the infection as well as mentally because of the pandemic. And he asked me to give him few more days for him to recover and time for himself to recover to get through all those.

    I have questions about my situation with him:

    1. Do you really think that he noticed me about doing some effort like cooking and brought food for him every time we meet at his place? Do you think that it’s an indication that I liked him through doing those?

    2. When he said about asking time for himself, does it mean he is avoiding me because he noticed that I like him?

    3. Do you really think that he meant those words “miss you and missing you already”? Because it’s unsual for me based from our conversation.

    4. We’ve been hooking up for most of our meetings, let’s say 8 times, is it normal for German men to do casually? My other friends with benefits, we never cuddled and slept so good but with him was part of our thing.

    5. Do you think this guy see me as a friends with benefits or just a friend? Am I too obvious about liking this german guy?

    1. Maria, thanks for your comment! Here is my opinion:

      1. Yes, it can be an indication. But every guy is different. Some are more insensitive than the others. So, it can also be that some men didn’t think too much about it.
      2. It depends on the person. Some people like to solve their problems by themselves. So, when they get into trouble, they want to fix the problem by themselves first before they start dating again and don’t like to bring their problem to other people. Or they simply have no mood to date any more when they are in a difficult situation. So, in your case, it can be that he is asking some time for himself and he means it, if he is a person like this. However, there are also people who are too “nice” to refuse people, so they just make up some excuses to not see the other person again. In general, I think German men are quiet direct and they will let you know you know that they don’t want to date you any more, instead of making up excuses. Again, every person is different and I cannot generalize.
      3. Can be yes, can be no, can be that he also doesn’t know himself. Sometimes, people say things like this when they are lonely, or they really feel like it at that moment. So, you should not take it too seriously. But it can be a good indication that you mean more than a sex partner for him.
      4. Hard to say. I guess only he knows. I mean, cuddling and so on do seem like more than just a sex partner.
      5. Why don’t you have a talk with him and ask him openly? Maybe even he himself is not sure yet. I think if you really want to know, the best is to ask him. Find an occasion, have a conversation and just ask. Speculating is never good as both people may not have the same expectation. Open communication is the key. If you guys talk and find out the expectation is different, you can even find a solution that works for both of you.

      Hope it helps and good luck!

  15. I meet my my German man on tinder,he plans visiting me on January 2020 which he did on February,I couldn’t believe my eyes,he was so romantic and straight forward we really has a great time and we enjoyed each other times.He wanted me to come join him in Munich and I said yes, probably will be joining him this summer time.
    What I really love about him,his so kind and caring,I love his hair,his tallness,pink lips and his so fucking sexy mehn.I can’t wait to be with him, when the Corona is over.Love you Rob and thank for coming to Africa just because of me.

    1. Avatar Catherine says:

      Good day Esther i am from South Africa so i met a German guy we been talking for 8 month soooo yesterday was confirmed we are indeed a couple i didnt know but its fine i dont mind but my question to you is would you prefer me to go meet him rather than him to come to me uhm were you scared lol like please tell me more

  16. Avatar judywoody says:

    Being German myself I can tell you that they are extremely judgemental about bodies. Most Germans are quite slim so going to the Sauna naked isn’t a big deal. But finding a guy when you are a bit porky? Don’t even bother.

  17. I just discovered your blog today and love it! My husband and I met in the US when he was here doing short-term research. Everything you said was spot on for my experience. He didn’t seem super chivalrous at first and I thought he was just a nerd, but when I learned about gender equality in Germany it made so much sense to me. I loved it because I was always told to downplay my success and strong personality so I can be feminine enough to attract a man. My German guy is the most warm, loving 6’4 teddy bear, super secure with what I want to do and loves my independence. Unlike all the men I dated in California, he always makes me feel like we are equal and I can be 100% myself around him.

    1. Thanks for reading! Happy to hear that you can be 100% yourself around your husband. I can feel you completely 🙂

  18. I’m really interested in German partner. I know my husband is going to be a German man. I just know and I believe it, I justhaven’t met him yet.

  19. Well if he truly loves you and you both are couples he should be the one to come to Africa, invite him to Africa to your home land that’s must. Stay with him few months to understand if his the right man for you.Well I wasn’t scared when he came all was good and great,like we love and understand each other everyday every minute of the day.And I will be with him in Munich as soon as the filing papers are out and then got the Visa or his also planning if he should come and let’s get married.

  20. Hi, I’m an Asian woman. Met a German man on dating site. He’s working in Switzerland. Being active contacting me for nearly a month and then he became less and less contacting me. He went to Germany for customer appointment and before going back I asked him to text me when he reached home from his trip. He didn’t text me but he stayed online that night. When I asked him why he didn’t text me, he didn’t give me answer. Then, later I texted him about our planning to meet, he asked me to slow it down. His reason, his busy with his work and 50% driving. I said alright. Today I sent him text, he read and didn’t reply. I went to the dating site again, and realised that he was online again after 3 weeks. What should I do? Should I wait for a few days before calling him and asking about us? I do like him very much, but I think he still reluctant to commit into relationship. Maybe its time for me to move on?

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