Dating in Germany – Dating a German Guy

Dating culture can be different depending on the countries. If you are single and looking for a date in Germany, what should you expect? In this post, you will find information about what it is like dating a German guy.

Where to find the German men?

Traditionally, German people prefer to find their partners through their friend circle. They meet their girlfriends during their study, at work, or from their common friends. Most German people are serious people. If you are dating a German guy, he is likely looking for a serious relationship. Of course, this may not be always the case. But comparing with other cultures, German guys are relatively serious people.

Nowadays, online dating becomes more and more popular. Websites like Lovescout24 provide a platform for people to find their right partners. This changes also the dating games a bit. People feel less bounded to the people they meet online. Even though you can still find German guys online who are seeking for a serious relationship, you may also encounter guys who are purely looking for sex. Looking for a German guy from your friend circle (the traditional way) is still the best way where you have a higher chance to find a serious relationship, in my opinion. However, I do know people found their right matches online and got married eventually. Therefore, I guess it depends on your luck in the end.

Germans are punctual

Germans are famous for their punctuality. In Hong Kong, if we meet with a friend, we can expect a 10 to 15 minutes delay, which is pretty normal. The more the number of people, the more will be the delay. For example, if we have a meeting with 10 friends, we can expect to wait for 30 minutes until everyone is there. So, sometimes it is not like I want to be late, but I know that I have to wait for a long time if I am punctual. Therefore, I also come a bit later to avoid too much waiting time.

However, don’t expect this in Germany. If you have a meeting at 1 pm, the German people here really mean 1 pm. After living here for some years, I get used to being punctual. And when I visited Hong Kong and met my friends again, I was shocked that I was the only one who arrived on time. That’s the so-called reverse culture shock.

With that said, be punctual on your date. There is no such thing that girls should arrive a bit later to “let the guy wait”.

Germans are not good at small talk

Germans are like the opposite of the Americans. Small talk is part of the American culture. Strangers talk to each other in the shops, on the plane, in the elevator, etc. Germans are not used to this. They can be seen as a bit cold to people. If I have to describe this, then Americans are like peaches, while Germans are melon.

Peaches: soft outside and hard inside. The Americans can do a lot of small talk with you and seem to be extremely friendly. But most of the time, this kind of small talk is only limited to very superficial topics. It is hard to really be closed with the Americans and to have a more meaningful conversation.

Melon: hard outside and soft inside. The Germans can seem to be very cold and reserved. It is hard to get to know them at the beginning because they may not look super excited and may not initiate talking with you if they do not know you. However, once you get to know them, they will treat you as real friends. They will open themselves up and have a meaningful conversation with you rather than staying at a superficial level.

So, if you see a German guy who is interesting to you, be proactive and try to initiate a conversation with him. Waiting for him to talk to you first may not be the best idea as he may not be that open to strangers.

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Germans are direct

This was hard for me to adapt at the beginning. Germans are direct. Too direct. Comparing to Americans who like to sugar-coat their words, Germans say what they really think. If they do not like something, they will let you know it.

When I lived with my German housemate, he told me how he did not like it when I did not open the window to “let the air out”. He told me he did not like the food I was eating when I tried to share with him. I am a typical Chinese and a “yes” person. It was hard for me to say “no”. He found it strange that I said “I don’t know” or “maybe” which basically meant “no” for me. He trained me to say “no” instead.

Germans are direct and they expect you to be the same. They will not understand it if you say “A” but you actually mean “B”. So, if you date a German guy, expect some honest feedback from him. But no hard feeling. He will tell you his true thinking and expect to get along with you in an open way.

Germans do not judge the others

In Hong Kong, girls are extremely concerned about their body shape. Why? Because people judge you based on everything. If you see a girl who is a little fat and wears a short skirt, you will hear people talking about her from behind. “Oh, she should not wear a short skirt to expose her fat legs!” “Wow, look at that girl! Look like some elephant legs!”

It is not uncommon for girls to cover up themselves because they do not want to “expose their weakness”. In a hot summer day, my friend still wore a long sleeve jacket. I asked her why. It was already so warm outside. She told me because her arms were fat. (And her arms were not fat at all!)

When you look around in Germany, you can see girls wear what they want to wear regardless of their body size. They are even naked in the sauna. People respect each other and do not judge. If you date a German guy, he will not find it attractive if you try to hide your “weakness”. If he loves you, he will love you as a whole. Be confident of yourself and that makes you more attractive.

German guys care about how they look

German guys care about their appearance: they dress properly when they go out; they like wearing shirts; they make sure their hair looks good; they do not go out with shorts and slippers, even just for a trip to the supermarkets outside.

With that said, if you date a Germany guy, he expects you to take care of your appearance as well. You do not have to dress super fancy all the time. But at a minimum, you need to look decent when you go out.

Gender equality

In general, people do not associate gender with special roles in Germany. Germany has pretty high gender equality. German people are very independent. They do not think that women are weak comparing to men. When it comes to taking care of the household, it is not just the job of a woman. Since both women and men go to work these days, both genders are responsible to take care of the household. Though not very common, there are also examples that men stay at home as housemen, especially when their wives earn good money.

Another example is that men and women also share the responsibility of raising a kid. This is not just a woman’s job. The man will also help in terms of changing diapers, feeding and taking care of the kid. I still remember when I went to Hong Kong with my husband and my baby, I was too busy catching up with my friends. While I enjoyed the time with my friends, my husband was taking care of our kid the whole time. My friends all told me, “Oh, what a nice man you have! He did all the work for you! And he knows how to change diapers!” In Germany, it is normal or rather expected that the men also know and do all these tasks. People will not think that this man is “extraordinary”. On the other hand, if a man in Germany does not help and the woman must do all the work by herself, the people will think that this is not a good man.

Germans are independent

As mentioned, German people are very independent. Everyone is seen as an individual who can take care of himself. It is common that young people move out of their family when they turn into adults (about 18 years old). Especially when people go to university, most of them will move out from home. So, they have to take care of themselves and live independently.

That’s why it is not surprising to see that men know about how to take care of the household. Men can cook, do laundry, repair things by themselves. In Hong Kong, many young people (both men and women) are not able to cook. They just get some food from the restaurants as it is very convenient. However, in Germany, you cannot survive by eating out at restaurants all the time as it is not affordable. You have to know how to cook. That’s why it is not uncommon to find men who are good at cooking, which is one of the very attractive points for Hong Kong women.

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German guys do not like to be seen as old

In Asia, women are very sensitive to their age. It is their secret. However, men are not as sensitive. They may even like to be seen as older because it is a symbol of being mature. I heard a story about a German guy who was in a club in China. A girl approached him and told him that he looked like he was in his 30’s, while he was actually only 25. He was upset to hear this as he didn’t want to look old. Actually, the girl said that because she thought it was a compliment. Guys in Asia want to be seen as older and more mature. Another example of cultural difference…

Who pays the bill?

As mentioned before, the genders are pretty equal in Germany. However, it is still common for the men to pay the bill on a date. Of course, it depends a little bit of the age. If the men are already working, they will probably pay the bill. If they are still studying, they cannot pay the bill all the time. In this case, the bill may be shared. Or sometimes the men pay, and sometimes the women pay.

If you date a German guy, wait and see if he will pay for the bill. If yes, just say thank you and show your appreciation. You can also suggest paying for the next bill. A fight to pay the bill is not necessary. See also my post about separating your bill when eating out.

Confirming your relationship?

Here is the story: A German guy was dating a Japanese woman. Everything went well. They were doing everything like a couple: kissing, sleeping together, talking sweet… After a few weeks, the girl finally told the guy that she was very confused because she did not know what kind of relationship they were in. Were they couple, or only friends? The guy was shocked as he thought the whole time that they were in a relationship already. True that they didn’t talk about it explicitly, as he assumed that their action has already implied the relationship. Only after that, the guy learned that in Japan, some guys even wrote love letters to the girls they were dating, and asked if the girls agreed to be their girlfriends. In some cultures, there is a formal confirmation process to confirm a relationship. Obviously, it is not the case in Germany.

So, if you date a German guy and you are not completely sure, you should talk openly about it.

Getting married

German people tend to get married when they are older. Some guys believe that marriage is just a piece of paper and is not necessary. It is not uncommon to see that couples live together for years but are not married. Some people get married a few years after the kids were born, while some others are not married even they have kids.

In Hong Kong, our culture is very traditional. You need to first get married before you have kids. Otherwise, it may be seen as an irresponsible act of the man. Getting married means that the man is taking responsibility. In Germany, it is not necessarily the case. The men may not need to have a marriage certificate to show that they are responsible. Rather the actions are more important. The thinking of some men: they live together with their family; they work and earn money to feed their family; they do all the things that a responsible husband is doing. What is making the difference if they are married or not?

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The points listed above are only in general how German guys are like. Of course, it depends on the individual. In the end, everyone is different. Have you ever dated any German guys? Leave a comment below and share your experience!

P.S. If not done yet, can you please click here to vote for My Life In Germany for the Expat Blogs Award 2019? I appreciate all your support for my blog 🙂

16 Replies to “Dating in Germany – Dating a German Guy”

  1. What about German women? Any advice for us men out here?☺️

  2. Thank you for your Blog. As always clear and short.
    I appreciate your writing and always wait for the next.
    I have already voted you.
    Good luck.

  3. Why would anyone want to date such cold and unfriendly people? There are lots of foreigners here who are normal friendly people….look there instead.

    1. German men are far from being supportive, they expect women to take care of them, take care of the household while they are cheating on you. Being honest is not exactly a trait of the German men. And indeed they can cry, they do not like small talk , always in time and very direct, but apart from that they expect you to pay at the restaurant while you did grocery, cook dinner at home and clean their socks… Germans are definitely not good husbands

      1. Sounds like you have a bad experience with German man. Sorry to hear about that. As mentioned in my post, the points listed there are only in general how German guys are like. Of course, it depends on the individual. In the end, everyone is different. It is like there are always both good and bad people in the same country.

  4. The part of confirming if you are having a relationship is true, because I have a similar story that you mentioned. I met my german “boyfriend” in my country (Brazil), it was on february, we kissed and he backed to Germany on the day after it, and since that day we have talk every single day, he always says that he miss me, send cute emojis, make plans with me… Last month he came back to Brazil to see me, we spent a lot of time together and doing couple’s things, but he never said if we were in a relationship, I was so confused. Anyway at some point he mentioned me as his girlfriend, so I had to asked “am I your girlfriend?” and he said “no???”I really don’t knew if I was hahaha, so he asked to me to be his girlfriend. The cultural differences are so strange and funny because so far I don’t feel we are actually having a relationship, maybe brazilian are weird people. Thanks for the post.

    1. Thanks a lot for your story! I have heard similar stories from many different people dating German guys. Yes it is funny sometimes dating someone with a different cultural background 🙂

  5. It is. Very interesting and informative post, thank you for your clear writing.

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